New thing I wrote for Filmdrunk about quirky girl crap I am sick of in movies/tv. I tried to offer alternatives so if any if you make a film about a girl who sneezes constantly to discover the meaning of life, please pay me some of the millions you get.
Alison Stevenson has seen a lot of indie movies lately, and she’s sick to death of certain aspects of the ever-popular “quirky girl” character. As a real-life “quirky girl,” I thought Alison would be a perfect person to— ouch, ow, oh God, she’s hitting me! Her knuckles are so sharp! Okay, I’m sorry, I take back the quirky thing. Anyway, back to Alison.
I recently watched the new Noah Baumbach film, Frances Ha. There were a lot of things that I liked about it, but more things that annoyed the crap out of me. To me, the film was basically a long episode of Girls, but for some reason Adam wears a fedora. Not only does he wear a fedora, but he still manages to get laid—the f*ck? Anyways, what’s really pissing me off about this film, and also every other indie production with a “quirky” female lead, is how predictable these women become. The manic pixie dream girl is a tired character that has officially been done to death. As much as these women might deny that this is what they’re embodying, it totally is what they’re embodying. So with that being said, I give you some examples of the crap I’m sick of, and even offer some extremely clever alternatives because I am thoughtful like that.
Pixie babes, I totally get it. You like to play tiny instruments because they’re small and fragile, yet have something to say – just like you! Literally within the first thirty seconds of Frances Ha there was a tiny banjo, which is actually called a banjolele. However, I prefer to just call them f*cking dumb. For the record though, when I first saw the word banjolele I didn’t have my glasses on, and thought it said bunghole so that’s another great thing to think about. Anyways, playing an instrument is totally cool, but how about we switch up the kind of instrument? Let’s get some brass or woodwind up in this bitch. Playing a larger instrument that commands strength is much more empowering than quietly singing “la la la” while plucking away at a baby guitar. Ever heard of a tuba? Bassoon maybe? How about we compromise with a French horn. Those are automatically cool because they’re French, just like Serge Gainsbourg!