Hi everyone. I have decided to reveal some of my erotic fan fiction to you guys. This is one of my favorites dedicated to the greatest funk-rockers of all time, Flea and Anthony Kiedis. I warn you that it is pretty graphic (near the end mostly) so if you are my mom please don’t read this!
~Red Hot Chili Loving~
Erotic Fan Fiction About Flea and Anthony Kiedis
(of the Red Hot Chili Peppers)
The funk infused alternative rock show with a hint of punk rock aesthetics just ended. The guys head back to their dressing room. Sweaty and tired they plop on the couch and munch on some Chex Mix. Flea pours tequila inside the Chex Mix bowl, whips out a large wooden spoon and starts munching. Anthony Kiedis sees this and says, “Aw dude, dinner cereal again? Don’t you think you’re getting a little too old for that?”
“You’re only as old as you feel! Want some?” Flea aims the wooden spoon towards Anthony Kiedis’s face but he bats it away. Flea then offers it to the other two guys in the band, but they also reject it.
The band’s manager comes in. “Red Hot Chili Peppers. You’re great. You’re amazing. In fact, you’re RED HOT!”
Anthony Kiedis glares at their manager, his name is Dave or Rick or something. “You say this after every show we do. Getting very old.”
One of the dudes in the band that isn’t Flea or Anthony Kiedis says, “Yeah, the Red Hot Chili Peppers have existed since 1983. That’s when you started managing the band. That was almost thirty years ago.” He then closes the tab on the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Wikipedia page that happened to already be open on his iPad.
Anthony Kiedis only heard the words ‘thirty years’. They echo in his brain. Wow, he thinks to himself, that’s such a long time. He then looks around the room and says, “Wow, I think to myself, that’s such a long time.”
“I was just thinking to myself the same thing” states Flea, still munching on the dinner cereal.
The manager interrupts, “But you boys act young. Everything about you screams youth. You’ve still got it boys. Anyways, hey other two guys in the band the Red Hot Chili Peppers, how about we go out to the bar and take some shots of Jack Daniels, a moderately priced whiskey?”
The two dudes comply leaving only Flea and Anthony Kiedis in the dressing room. They are alone in the dressing room. Anthony Kiedis and Flea are all alone and Flea is a little drunk.
Anthony Kiedis stares at Flea. He notes the wrinkles in his face, and the funny little way his eyes dangle like a nutsack.
Flea feels Anthony Kiedis’s stare but tries to dismiss it. “We rocked so hard. I love how we rock. We have such a good thing going with this band. I mean, the way we infuse funk with rock, but also have some punk rock edge. Don’t you love it?”
Anthony Kiedis snaps out of his stare. “What? Oh, uhh yeah. Totally. Hey you know what, give me a swig of that tequila you got there. I suddenly feel like getting drunk from alcohol.”
Flea picks up the bottle of tequila right near him. He shakes it tauntingly. “You mean this tequila? Well you’ll have to come and get it from me”
“Flea, you’re such a jokester. Okay fine, I will come to you and try to get that tequila from your grasp.”
“Sorry can’t hear you, too busy holding this tequila bottle.” He then takes a swig.
Anthony Kiedis lunges towards Flea. They both jump around and giggle as Flea playfully taunts. Anthony Kiedis trips on one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers bobble head figurines that was on the floor. He falls to the ground and takes Flea with him. They land face to face. Flea, for the first time in nearly thirty years is looking into Anthony Kiedis’s eyes. He gazes intensely. Gets lost in his pupils. Kiedis is just as entranced. The two of them freeze in each other’s gaze. They are seeing each other’s soul.
A rush of song lyrics swelled to both their brains.
Flea says, “Wonton the trombone three bone my baby”
Anthony Kiedis responds, “Live on a bench press stool sample lady”
Then both at the exact same time shout, “Why can’t we all just surgical cats”
Flea gets off of Anthony Kiedis. His face is flushed. He is startled. “Dude, Anthony Kiedis. How did that just happen? It usually takes us weeks to come up with lyrics that good.”
Anthony Kiedis is flustered as well. He chugs some tequila and says, “I don’t know man. It was magical.”
Flea and Anthony Kiedis keep passing each other the tequila until finally the bottle is finished. They are both drunk, and reminiscing the near thirty years they have been in the band the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
“Remember when the Red Hot Chili Peppers released Californication?”
“Yes, I remember.”
After that they get silent again. Flea looks down at his crotch and sees his boner. “Woah, Anthony Kiedis check out my epic boner.”
Anthony Kiedis darts his eyes at Flea’s boner. “Wow, why do you think that is happening?”
“I think it’s for you dude. My boner is for you.”
Anthony Kiedis’s face turns bright red. He is both flattered and scared. Scared to show Flea his boner, but he does. “Hey, check this out” He angles his body towards Flea to expose his boner in his pants.
“Is that boner for me?” Flea asks in a hopeful tone.
“I think so.”
“We have boners for each other.”
“Yes. Yes we do.”
“What do we do now? With our boners?”
“I don’t know Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. This has never happened to me before.”
“You mean, you’ve never had a boner?”
“No I mean, I’ve never had a boner for you. I’ve never had a boner for any man. I don’t know what’s happening.” Anthony Kiedis paces around the room. He is nervous. “Is this your first boner for another man?”
“I think so. Look Anthony Kiedis, I don’t just get boners for anyone. Even if I’m drunk. My boners are determined and meaningful just like all of our song lyrics. It’s trying to tell me something. Something about you, about us. I feel it in my heart, and my boner.” Flea pulls Anthony Kiedis towards him and brushes his hair back. “You are the love of my life.”
Anthony Kiedis is overwhelmed. He starts crying. Right into Flea’s muscular arms. “Flea, my boner is so hard for you. Flea can you feel my boner? It’s rubbing up against your boner. I don’t know what has taken us so long to realize this Flea of the band the Red Hot Chili Peppers.”
“Anthony Kiedis. Kiss me. Take me now, and kiss me. Then kiss my boner.”
Anthony Kiedis pushes Flea onto the couch. He rips his shirt off, which was never on to begin with. So he really just mimes the action of taking a shirt off. Flea does the same. Anthony Kiedis straddles Flea and licks his sweaty wrinkled face. Flea hums like a vacuum. He shouts more potential song lyrics as Anthony Kiedis keeps licking his body. “Flower gear car track cigarette breath mommy”
This excites Anthony Kiedis even more. He unzips Flea’s pants and stammers “Razor blade on a Sunday don’t stop buying milk crates.” He then wraps his mouth on Flea’s tattooed penis. Anthony Kiedis observes the writing inked on Flea’s shaft before he continues sucking. It says, If you can read this, you are a woman I am having oral sex with.
Anthony Kiedis turns his head. Flea begs, “what’s wrong?”
“I just read your penis Flea and guess what? I am not a woman.”
Flea looks down at his rock hard, but also funk infused dick and sees his tattoo. “Aw come on Anthony Kiedis. Like I knew I would have a boner for you.”
“It just doesn’t feel right Flea.”
“Hold on.” Flea runs around the dressing room. He finds a permanent marker, and crosses out the letters ‘w’ and ‘o’ in “woman”. He shows the revision to Anthony Kiedis. “I promise I will have it tattooed permanently this way. Please just promise me you’ll have me.” Anthony Kiedis doesn’t say anything. He just smiles and nods. Flea then says “Awesome. Finish sucking my boner bro.”
They go back to the couch. Anthony Kiedis is working hard at pleasing his new man. Flea keeps humming like a vacuum. Flea has never had a boner suck this good. He is going to come. He grabs Anthony Kiedis’s dark brown hair and erupts. Anthony Kiedis can not handle all the come flying out of Flea’s dick. He removes his mouth and tries to get away from Flea’s come storm, but the come is too strong. It hits Anthony Kiedis’s chest and flings him across the room like a wrecking ball. Flea is screaming at the top of his lungs. He finally finishes. He catches his breath, and sees Anthony Kiedis knocked unconscious, covered in come. He runs towards him. “Anthony Kiedis please be alive. Be alive Anthony Kiedis. I’m sorry you made my boner so hard. I’m sorry my come threw you across the room. I’m so sorry.”
Anthony Kiedis slowly regains consciousness. “Wha-What happened?”
“Oh good thank the Funk-Rock gods you’re okay.”
“Dude, that was the most Red Hot Chili Peppers thing you could have done to me. I love you.”
They kiss. They kiss for a while. Anthony Kiedis has a boner again. He stops kissing Flea and says, “I got a fat boner again. Let me put it in your butt.”
Flea’s nutsack eyes open wide. “I’m scared,” he whispers.
“You’ve shoved microphones up your ass. You can handle my boner.”
“That’s not why I’m scared. I’m scared because, well…I might poop on your boner”
“I’ve been feeling like I need to go number two all day. I would be so embarrassed if I pooped on your boner.”
“Flea, I am willing to take that risk. You don’t have to be embarrassed with me. I saw your soul, and when I did there was poop everywhere. Show me your butt hole bro.”
Flea feels assured. He bends over, spreads his butt cheeks and exposes his butt hole. Anthony Kiedis marvels at its beauty. He then notices a tattoo surrounding Flea’s butt hole. It’s writing that reads, If you can read this, you have seen my soul and are probably Anthony Kiedis. Anthony Kiedis is overcome with joy and relief. He says to Flea, “Your butt hole tattoo. It says my name.”
Flea turns his head towards Anthony Kiedis, “I kind of knew all along. Deep down in my gut. The whole time we have known one another and have been in the funk infused rock band the Red Hot Chili Peppers, I’ve known that we were soul mates. I got that tattoo nearly thirty years ago and to be honest I forgot about it. Until now. I guess over the years, I’ve been trying to deny it.”
Anthony Kiedis can’t stop crying. He is so happy. He rams his boner into Flea’s butt hole. They are both squealing with joy and sobbing helplessly at the same time.
Flea poops a little but shouts to Anthony Kiedis, “Keep going, don’t stop”
Anthony Kiedis complies. He keeps going. Tears, sweat, and poop is flying all around them. Anthony Kiedis belts out, “I am going to come in your butt hole Flea of the band the Red Hot Chili Pepp-” but before he can finish his sentence, he just does. It is a powerful load. Equally as powerful as Flea’s. It goes from Flea’s butt hole and spits out his mouth violently. Some of his poop mixed in on the way up too. Flea is puking jizz and shit. He cries out, “I have never been happier.”
“Same,” mutters Anthony Kiedis. “I feel the same.”