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Kryptonite Got You Down? #3-
“Even Non-Humans Hunger for Lovin’…Ask Mario Lopez.
Yo Alison,
I’ma sexy ass bitch who knows what she wants and knows how to get it. I just go up to bros and say “Yo, you wants to have sex with me?”And then BAM! They do! Works every time! ButI don’t remember none of thems names.
This one guy with this sweet lil’ soul patch, he even knows some of them boos I be with before. He straight up list off a roll call of poles I been on and I don’t remember a one. Should I feel bad about that shit?
Peace,
SexyTamaranean Against Remembering
Hello S.T.A.R,
Well, first off I have to say that I love your take charge attitude. Not enough women take advantage of the fact that they can make the first move when it comes to sex and more importantly that it’s not wrong to have a sexual appetite. I mean come on, it is the 21st century, and it will be for a while i’m pretty sure. We are living in an age where gender norms are being redefined and DVDs are realesed in Blu-ray. This is exactly what our ancestors dreamed of! After all, it is called a libido not a libidon’t! With that, I must say that the whole memory loss thing is taking me for a loop. I mean, I lose my memory a lot when getting crunk (industry term) but it seems to me your memory loss is not of the alcohol variety. Are you perhaps choosing not to remember these men? Repressing the memory of them because deep down you don’t like what you’re doing? Or maybe they’re ugly?
Ugh a soul patch, really? Let me fill you in on something. Do you know why soul patches exist? Because God is a lie and exisistence is futile. That’s why. I would never, ever trust anyone with a soul patch. I wouldn’t even let him do soul-patchy things to me like make me an espresso drink or give me free salsa lessons. So naturally, my first reaction is that this guy is a creep. Plain and simple. You know, like he wants to jump your bones so bad and is perhaps even madly in love with you but you refuse to reciprocate these feelings so now he stalks you at all hours to watch you bone these other dudes and maybe that’s the only thing that gets him off now other than pictures of Dave Matthews.
In his defense though, it might be a good thing that he has these names for you at hand. Not being able to remember any of them at all is super weird. Maybe he’s like your personal Memento, which is good cause you don’t want a bunch of dude’s names tattoed all over your body. This guy could be your skeazy guardian angel for what it’s worth. I say take advantage. You shouldn’t feel bad necessarily but you should maybe go to a therapist, or doctor or something and get your brain checked out. Until then, let the creepy dude - regardless of his soul patch - watch over your activity. You never know when you’re going to get knocked up, or get herpes, or something.
