Columnist:
Dear Alison,
Boy oh boy, do I have ex troubles! When we started out, I thought we were perfect for each other. He was my Pygmalion — he helped me develop my talents, made me the woman I am, and even helped me get a job! It took a while for me to win him over, but eventually I netted him. We were the bee to each other’s flower. Sure, we bickered, but all that heat translated to some high quality smanging. But as soon as we started working together, things really hit the fan.
I knew it was going seriously wrong when he started doing some “experimenting” and basically lost his mind! He became verbally and physically abusive, to me and to our coworkers. He said all kinds of things about chemicals and identity disorders, but I knew better than to stay with someone who treated me like an insect. So I left him.
Well long story short, he’s apparently “recovered” and lately he’s been buzzing around saying he wants to be “friends.” And I have to admit, as much as I know I deserve better, I’m like a moth to the flame with this guy! So my question is, do I take him — and our friends’ — word that he’s gotten better and that he’s ready to be a friend to me? I mean I’m not as young as I was, maybe it’s time to start building that nest… Or do I quit the job I love, ditch our super friends, and start a new life far away from him, maybe on the West Coast?
Help! I need your advice! This whole situation is driving me positively buggy.
Signed,
A Very Edgy, Nervous Girl, Enduring Real Shit!
Hey Edgy, Nervous Girl…
I hate bugs. Seriously, the worst. Especially wasps, and ants but even ladybugs and butterflies. Fucking butterflies, think they’re all hot or whatever cause they got colorful wings. Shit’s lame. Wings are for birds and Red Bull commercials, asshats! So what I am trying to say is that I am going to be extremely biased in my evaluation of you and your bugman.
When a woman’s got a boyfriend that’s “experimenting,” it almost never turns out well for the girlfriend. Four of my ex-boyfriends discovered through experimentation that they were actually gay, which is cool for them but I was pretty heart broken for like close to three hours each time.
Science experimenting, that’s totally different. I never hung out with science guys (they’re so lame). Once, I thought I went on a date with a scientist but turns out he was a Scientologist, or in other words, a closet gay.
So your guy, he went crazy due to these experiments…was it like Hannibal Lecter crazy (hot) or like Gary Busey crazy (not hot)? Distinguishing the crazy is important. I mean don’t get me wrong, you totally did the right thing in leaving him. Being abusive in any way is a big no-no but if his craziness was kind of hot then I totally see where you’re coming from on that attraction still being there, especially if he claims to be recovered.
I say, hold off on getting back with this bugaboo until you are absolutely sure you have no other options left. Love is all about settling and compromise. The older you get the easier it is to find love in this sense. Don’t leave everything you have cause of him. You obviously like what you’re doing and moving to the west coast will be filled with disappointment, smog, and vegan ice cream that gives you bad gas.
