Brittney Kelly's Guide to Scoring the Perfect Guy!

Brittney Kelly’s Guide to Scoring the Perfect Guy!

My good friend Brittney Kelly (lol me) is guest blogging for me today with this wonderfully insightful dating guide for all you single ladies! Check it out:

Brittney Kelly’s Guide to Scoring the Perfect Guy!

Brittney Kelly is a professional man-getter. She has been writing about romance and dating for two years now and considers herself an expert. She currently lives in Orange County with her parents, and boyfriend, Chet.

Hey ladies. If you’re like me (which you obviously are cause all us girls are the same) then you know how hard it is to get a cute boy’s attention. Its taken me years to land really hot guys but now I have concockted (hehe) the perfect formula for landing that special someone and keeping him.

In just 38 easy steps, you too can find the perfect man. Read on!

Step 1: Get Wasted!

Seriously, so many ladies underestimate the power of alcohol. Getting drunk is a great way to open up your mind, and your legs! When drunk, I suddenly find myself more easily flattered by even the simplest of compliments. You know compliments like, “nice tits,” or “if I had a Porsche, I would fuck you in it.” If only he did have a Porsche! But sometimes, a Honda Civic will have to do. Am I right ladies?

Step 2: Don’t Know More Than Him!

Never show that you might know more than a guy. If you prove him wrong, that’s the end of it all. Guys love girls who giggle excessively, and always looked confused. Bonus: The “confused” facial expression burns .876 more calories than the “thinking” facial expression. Who said being dumb wasn’t a good thing? Being stupid prevents a double chin. Worth it! If you find it hard not to show your intelligence when meeting men, then try changing your overall lifestyle in general. You can read less books, and pick up more gossip magazines. Trade in that college scholarship for a boob job! Have your t.v. permanently set to VH1, and never, ever, ever watch the news!

Steps 3-36: Suck His Dick, ALWAYS!

Whenever he wants a BJ you give it to him! To men, blowjobs are like manicures. Can’t go three days without one! Guys grow weary if you go more than a week without providing him this service. I mean, you don’t want to lose him once you have him am I right? If you’ve landed a hottie with a body, then do everything in your power to keep him wanting more. More of you! The only reason guys cheat is because so many girls are not willing to constantly sexually gratify their man. It’s like, of course he’s going to search elsewhere if you’re going to be such a stuck up selfish bitch. Know what I mean?

Step 37: ANAL!

;)

Step 38: Stay Hot!

Being ugly is the worst. If you’re fat, or have pimples, or small boobs, or some other gross stuff like that, then transform yourself immediately. Most attractive women are blonde, skinny, and big chested. This goes for all women! Regardless of ethnicity!! If you don’t look like this, then get to work! Sometimes, being brunette is okay, but if your man prefers you blonde then you must be willing to make the change. This is after all, a partnership. It’s not all about you! The one thing that keeps a guy in love with you is your physical appearance. Guys have their other guy friends when it comes to things like good conversation, and playing video games.

Now get to it girls. Before all the good guys get taken!