May 2013
6 posts
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Follow Friday on Splitsider!
Big thanks to Splitsider for dedicating this week’s Follow Friday feature to dumb old me.
Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet....
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Tips On How To Properly Celebrate International...
New piece up on Vice about how to properly celebrate International Masturbation Month.
The whole month of May is International Masturbation Month. It’s a month devoted entirely to the celebration of self-love. Masturbation is definitely one of my favorite activities other than eating and crying. At first I couldn’t help but wonder, what’s the point of having an International...
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New Weekly Comedy Show From West Coast Writers of...
HEY SUPER EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT. READY?
A few of us Vice writers who happen to also be stand up comedians are starting a weekly comedy show at Los Globos in Silverlake!
Our debut will be on May 22 at 9pm. Our headliners are Kyle Kinane and Neil Hamburger!
PRETTY FUCKING COOL IF YOU ASK ME.
please come.
you can get tickets online!
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My Newest Piece For Vice Is About Juggling
Combat Juggling Is the Sport of Kings
By Alison Stevenson
Combat Juggling is a real sport started by juggling prodigy Jason Garfield. Unlike the cartoon cat, this Garfield isn’t a lazy boy at all. According to the World Juggling Federation, he entered the juggling industry when he was 11, having mastered “the juggling of ten balls, ten rings, and seven clubs.” So what do you do...
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Fake Celebrity Kickstarters
Move over, Zach Braff: Lesser-Known Celebrity Kickstarter Campaigns
Yeah so Zach Braff is causing some sort of outrage because he got a Kickstarter to fund his film, which is now at $1.8 million and counting. I get the anger, but let’s face it, this is going to keep happening. Independent filmmakers, has-been celebrities, and artistically stubborn rich people are all taking the hint....
April 2013
2 posts
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Compromises for the Woman Who Refuses to Shave Her...
New article up on Vice. Original link here.
Shaving and/or waxing your pubes increases the risk of sexually transmitted infections, specifically, Molluscum contagiosum (which I’m pretty sure is also a Harry Potter spell) according to a study done by a French health clinic. That sort of infection isn’t really serious, though. It’s just an annoying bump or two or ten. It goes away after...
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I wrote a SATIRICAL Article About Rick Ross For...
Rick Ross: The Most Misinterpreted Man in Music
http://www.vice.com/read/rick-ross-the-most-misinterpreted-man-in-music
What’s up with all this crap I’m hearing about people hating Rick Ross all of a sudden? Reebok, are you for real with this shit? You think the man’s lyrics are about rape? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then I’m about to tell...
March 2013
1 post
February 2013
5 posts
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Matthew McConaughey & Keanu Reeves Erotic Fan...
Hi! Today my piece was put up on Filmdrunk. It’s a love story about my two favorite Hollywood hunks meeting at a park and falling in love.
Sunday in the Park With Matthew McConaughey and Keanu Reeves
It started off a morning like any other. Matthew McConaughey woke up, lit his joint, lifted weights for six hours, and at 8am decided to go for a jog at the park.
He arrives at the park...
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New Article About How Relationships Can Suck Up On...
Hi! This is something I wrote recently. Have fun with it maybe, I don’t know. Bye. Love you. Bye.
DIRECT LINK!!!
The Bright Side Of Being Single
by Alison Stevenson on Feb 26, 2013 • 9:11 am 3 Comments
As a single woman, I find it helps me to think of all the negative things about relationships. Just the whole point of them in general, all the time and patience they require. A lot of it...
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Controversial Article About Cats Being Assholes
This is the most drama inducing thing I’ve ever written.
Original Link:
http://networkawesome.com/mag/article/cats-are-assholes/
Cats are assholes. I know this is a controversial statement. Cats have completely taken over the internet. They’re the stars of Youtube, and it’s all because they look cute sleeping and can fit in various boxes. Studies have shown that the...
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Pussy Galore - Maximum Penetration
Okay so I don’t really ever write about music but was given the chance to write about Pussy Galore so I did! Not really a funny article more like a “hey check this out” sort of thing sooo HEY CHECK THIS OUT
Original link:
http://networkawesome.com/mag/article/love-it-or-hate-it-maximum-penetration/
Maximum Penetration is approximately 40 minutes of live performance footage...
January 2013
1 post
BIG FANCY HOLLYWOOD MOVIE PITCHES UP ON FILMDRUNK
Yo babies.
I guess you could say I wrote something new for Filmdrunk, but really I am just pitching some movie ideas to HOLLYWOOD PRODUCERS in HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA and BRAGGING ABOUT HOW RICH & FAME I GONNA BE $$$$$$!!!!
Movie Ideas For Hollywood To Make Movies With
George Lucas on the phone with me.
Movie Ideas For Hollywood To Make Movies With
As you might already know, I drink a...
December 2012
1 post
5 tags
Article Up on FilmDrunk
My first article for Filmdrunk! It’s a guide to date movies. You know, for when you’re on a date. I include greats such as The Human Centipede and Kids. Read it:
ALISON STEVENSON GUIDE TO THE BEST DATE MOVIES
November 2012
3 posts
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Filmdrunk Writer's Room Contribution
I recently got the chance to tell a short story about a movie theater experience. It’s up on the Filmdrunk website, with other great contributions from more famous and important people. Read!
here’s mine though…
ALISON STEVENSON: A Sad Preview
A few months ago I was in the habit of going to see movies alone all the time because I had quit my job (long story that involves me...
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Red Hot Chili Peppers Erotic Fan Fiction
Hi everyone. I have decided to reveal some of my erotic fan fiction to you guys. This is one of my favorites dedicated to the greatest funk-rockers of all time, Flea and Anthony Kiedis. I warn you that it is pretty graphic (near the end mostly) so if you are my mom please don’t read this!
~Red Hot Chili Loving~
Erotic Fan Fiction About Flea and Anthony Kiedis
(of the Red Hot Chili...
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Third Time Dirty Haiku Champ!!
I won my third dirty haiku battle last night at Oakland’s Tourettes Without Regrets. This was a tough battle against a pretty funny dude whose name I forgot.
My haikus:
Pussy should look, feel, taste, smell, and most of all get pounded like raw meat.
Next time, do me from behind so I can look your brother in the face.
Does not believe in throwing fists unless they are going up his...
October 2012
3 posts
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Never be jealous of surfers. Do you know how...
New Kryptonite Got You Down is up on Comics Bulletin. Here’s a little preview. Read the rest here.
A column article, Kryptonite Got You Down? by: Alison Stevenson
Kryptonite Got You Down? #5
Never be jealous of surfers. Do you know how stupid surfing is?
Dear Alison,
For most of my adult life I’ve suffered from an unenviable skin condition that has left my entire face red...
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Dirty Haiku Champ Again!
So last night at the world famous Tourettes Without Regrets in Oakland I competed yet again in a dirty haiku battle. However, this time it was a bit different. The haikus had to be insulting. My opponent was an elderly gentleman and poet in the Oakland area. So basically, knowing he was old and also knowing men don’t like their dicks being made fun of, these were my haikus:
1.) Not only are...
September 2012
8 posts
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Guest On This Week's Frotcast
Hiiii. So i was a guest on the Filmdrunk podcast, the Frotcast. It went up today. These guys are really funny so you should definitely listen to it, and listen to all the other episodes too. <3
I’M SORRY I LAUGH LIKE A HYENA I CAN’T HELP IT.
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People That Are Alive and Stuff
Okay so after a lot of formatting issues, and Kindle being not as ideal as I was hoping I have decided to create my “ebook” as a free PDF file for all to download and enjoy. It’s a pretty short, and hopefully fun read.
Stuff you might have already read but a lot of stuff that you probably haven’t! Most of it is parody, and introduces a new character, Beatrice Fowley.
So please download it!
...
August 2012
3 posts
Watchcourtingcomedy:
“Dream Come True” by Alison Stevenson. (Courtesy of Rooftop Comedy)
thanks again courtin comedy ;)
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Kryptonite Got You Down #4
Hey, newest article for my column is up on Comics Bulletin. Here is a sample, click the link up here or at the bottom to read the rest!
Kryptonite Got You Down? #4
“Figure shit out. Stop being an ass. Send me nude pics.”
Hi Alison,
I have a delicate matter to discuss. You see, I’m a debonair playboy billionaire trying to give back to his community by beating the crap out of...
July 2012
3 posts
8 tags
June 2012
3 posts
9 tags
Even Non-Humans Hunger for Lovin'... Ask Mario... →
ALL NEW! Click the link for the rest of the article…
Kryptonite Got You Down? #3-
“Even Non-Humans Hunger for Lovin’…Ask Mario Lopez.
Yo Alison,
I’ma sexy ass bitch who knows what she wants and knows how to get it. I just go up to bros and say “Yo, you wants to have sex with me?”And then BAM! They do! Works every time! ButI don’t remember none of...
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Updates & Stuff
1.) One of my internet personas is delusional housewife Martha Smith, previously of the Wacky Smith Family Blog, and she has written something new. A letter to Justin Bieber asking him to attend her daughter’s birthday party. You should read it, for the lub of beiber!!!1!!!
2.) I am currently in Los Angeles doing some stand up shows, including one that I organized myself featuring a mix of...
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MARTHA SMITH LETTER TO JUSTIN BIEBER!!!!
Martha Smith of The Wacky Smith Family Blog wrote a letter to her and her daughter Abby’s favorite musician…
Dear Justin Bieber,
Hello Mr. Bieber!!! It is so wonderful to actually write to you. I keep thinking of things I should say to you in my head but I never actually write them down. Nervous maybe?? I don’t know. I do know that I am a big fan though! LOL!!
Anyways, my...
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May 2012
5 posts
8 tags
Distinguish the Crazy, Distance Yourself and Maybe... →
Hey! New issue of my column, Kryptonite Got You Down is up! Here’s a preview, click on the link to read the other questions and answers.
Columnist:
Alison Stevenson
Dear Alison,
Boy oh boy, do I have ex troubles! When we started out, I thought we were perfect for each other. He was my Pygmalion — he helped me develop my talents, made me the woman I am, and even...
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Stay in Love, Keep Banging Your Tiger Woman and... →
My dating advice column is LIVE on Comics Bulletin. I give wise and sound advice to super heros and their friends. If you’ve got any questions be sure to email them!! Check out the link. Enjoy?
Preview:
Dear Alison,
I’m an ambitious female reporter with an extremely busy, chaotic life so as you can surely understand, I have trouble meeting worthwhile men. Which is why my love life...
April 2012
6 posts
WatchHey! An audio file of some of my stand up that you can listen to. I turned it into audio because the video quality was pretty bad. Give it a listen and enjoy (hopefully). Also, ignore the obnoxious way I say hello.
You can also download it if you’d like it for keepsies: http://www.divshare.com/download/17503194-398
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My Review of Reset by Peter Bagge
My review is up on the always wonderful, Comics Bulletin!
A new Peter Bagge comic means one very excited me. The first issue of Reset had me expecting something totally different, yet still met a lot of my expectations. That makes sense, right? Okay, well, fine — I’ll explain. You see, from my interview with Bagge I gathered that this would be a comic about a man reliving his life,...
